entry 003: curly hair rant

my auntie liv gave me my first blowout in the 4th grade. the feeling of my hair being so light on my head was addicting- i ran around her apartment just to feel it flowing behind me.

after that, i got Dominican blowouts ever so often for special occasions. i yearned for the feeling of confidence a fresh blowout gave me. my hair was always thick and long, but when it was curly it was frizzy and messy. when it was straight, it was sleek and neat. more manageable.

in 6th grade, i would wake up before the sun rose just to poorly press my dry hair with a cheap two inch flat iron before school. my hair was still frizzy after the flatiron burned and pressed it, and i just hoped people didn’t notice. once, a boy in my class said to me “you know your hair’s poofy, right?” i acted like it was on purpose.

in high school, my hair was straight for dance performances and competitions, as we typically put our hair into a high pony, or two braids. when it was curly, i put it in a tight bun on the top of my head. once this girl tried to roast me by saying i had a “trash bag bun.” i wasn’t sure what she was talking about because i definitely had thicker hair than her….

it wasn’t until my seniorish year of high school that i began to nurture my damaged curls, and perfect my straightening process to minimize damage. i copied the technique i observed for years at the Dominican salon. a proper heat protectant, the closest you can get to straight with the hair dryer, and all you need is “one pass” of the flat iron. slightly curling in or out at the ends to hide the dead ends and you are set.

ever since i began to straighten my hair, i wondered why i got such a boost of confidence from it. when my hair is done, my face is the same shape and my facial features stay the same. but something about straight hair allows my features to be seen, they appear sharper even, when not blocked by my curls. even braids give me an automatic face lift. but all of this has to be in my head, right? y’all can’t see the difference, can you?

have i seriously been conditioned this hard to think that straight hair is “better?” but curly hair is so beautiful on other people, and i know my natural hair is beautiful. it just doesn’t hit the same.

i’m sure everyone gets a boost of confidence when their hair is done. surely, it can’t just be about my hair being straight??

im perplexed by the thought that i could be brainwashed, by the notions that my hair needs to be straight or in braids to be neat, manageable, or beautiful. it would explain the fact that i feel 10 times more chic when my hair is straight, though. my fits eat more, i serve harder.

it’s sad really. why can i love curly hair on others, on my friends, family, admiring those on the red carpet or on the street. but when my curls dry after a wash day, im on day one hair and its a rainy humid day, everything goes to shit? all of a sudden, my fit’s weak, my skin’s rough.

i’ve convinced myself to accept it. i’d rather have frizzy unruly curls than damaged ones. i will buy this $22 curl cream because it’s what i know works. i will book the $185 curly cut because she knows what she’s doing. but damn.

having curly hair is time and money consuming. but i suppose it’s the price to pay for uniqueness, and at the end of the day, we want what we don’t have. maybe that’s the moral of the story here.