entry 004: why are we so afraid of aging?

my recent birthday has me reflecting on aging, and how the idea of aging affects us.

my mom talks about how her friends gripe about getting old, immobile, and wrinkly. she doesn’t want to hear it. she believes that holding on to youth means cultivating it.

i watch my friends resist getting older, growing away from our college-aged selves. but the older we get, the closer we get to achieving the things we dreamed of.

i feel that society has told us that the older we get, we get less hot, less fun. more focused on work and career, locking down the perfect partner to have perfect babies with by 30.

through it all, i believe that aging is a blessing. we are so lucky to make it one year, one decade older. but society has cooked us, and shaped us (specifically women) to believe that our value goes down the older we get.

my coworker, a young millennial with a toddler at home, told me she thinks that women age faster because we carry more of a societal burden. we’ve been taught to plan for a family, carry a child, and care more deeply than men. we begin to take care of our family and other people, leaving less and less time for ourselves.

it’s a known fact that we mature faster, but i can see how this societal responsibility may make us “age” faster than men. it makes me think of Lynette Scavo from Desperate Housewives.

it’s so funny how we imagined aging when we were young. milestones like marriage felt so far away. as the timeline of those milestones change (ie. people are getting married later or not at all), some people adapt, and some do not, leaving some to wonder if they’re behind, or when it will be their turn.

when thinking about the changing landscape of these milestones, i think about the girls from Insecure, especially Issa. though she was the last of the friend group to find her footing in her career, everything happened at the right time.

as a teen and into my 20s, i often fussed over the details of my birthday. this year, 24, was the first that felt solid. i didn’t feel the urge to have a meltdown or scrutinize the details of my day. instead, i enjoyed the moment for what it was, and felt the groundedness of where i am at.

the more my frontal lobe reaches its full development (thank God), the more i feel like i know myself. i know what choices i want to make and who i want to be. i have an easier time trusting myself even though that’s always a challenge.

this season, i’m focusing on the idea that we are right where we need to be.